"Life Force"

Here I am back at the Book Café. Well, at least this time I have Whitney with me, so I'm not all alone. She's so good to me. Even with all the drama I've put her through, she's stuck by my side. Even just the little things she does mean a lot-like going to get me hot chocolate right now. I don't know what I'd do without her support. If she hadn't come along before when I was sitting outside in Lighthouse Park, I'd probably still be there right now-catching a cold that could jeopardize the health of my baby and me. And I know Whitney's right. I do have to focus on my baby right now. No matter what I'm going through, I still have a life growing inside of me. I need to remember that...always.

Wednesday, February 6, 2002

"Here's a Story..."

God, I just realized that a year ago was the engagement party for Ethan and me. That should have been the beginning of our lives together, but it was really the beginning of the end. That was the night when the truth came out about Ethan's paternity. I tried to tell myself otherwise, but deep down I knew Ethan and I were in trouble after that evening. I truly think that's the night that set everything in motion. After that, the tabloid falsely claimed I sent them the email...Ethan called off the wedding ...I was forced to go down to Bermuda to see Julian...and the rest is the story of how my life came crashing down.

Tuesday, February 5, 2002

"Lending a Helping Book"

I wonder how Luis is doing. He was so shaken up after he thought he saw Sheridan. It's like he can't let her go. Of course, I can't blame him-I know more than anyone how hard it is to let go of the person you love more than life itself. Anyway, I want to do something nice for him. Maybe I should get him a copy of "1001 Ways to Heal a Hurting Heart." I mean, it didn't help me-but maybe it would help him. At the very least, I think it would help him to know that I'm thinking of him and want to help him. Because maybe if I can't heal my own heart, I can help heal my big brother's heart.

Monday, February 4, 2002

"Self-help...or not!"

Since I'm here at the Book Café, I thought maybe I could find a book to help me deal with losing Ethan. So, I found this one called "1001 Ways to Heal a Hurting Heart." I figured with 1001 ways, at least one of them had to help, right? Well, I guess I was wrong. I looked through the whole book and I still don't feel any better. Somehow, taking a relaxing bath and indulging in my favorite dessert aren't going to cut it right now. I think the only thing that could heal my "hurting heart" is hearing Ethan say the words, "I forgive you." Without him in my life, my heart is just going to keep on hurting.