"Theresa's Room"

I had to do something to take my mind off of my talk with Ethan, so I found myself at the Book Café. After all, how else is a woman of the new millennium (such as myself) supposed to cheer herself up besides surfing the net? Of course, shopping or a manicure always works too, but it is night after all...Anyway, much to my own surprise, I wound up feeling better. Beth told me about this new site that a lot of girls have been into called "Rachel's Room" . Rachel is this teenage girl who puts a webcam in her room. At least I think she did--to be honest, I haven't quite figured out yet if it's a show or real life or what...although these days my own life is like a soap opera...so what's the difference, really? I have to say, it was very cool--Rachel's drama definitely took my mind off my own, at least for a few minutes. This week she actually kissed her health teacher (who also happens to be her mom's boyfriend)! Although, I guess that's really nothing compared to sleeping with the ex-father of your fiancé...even if you were drunk and didn't mean to do it. Oh well, so much for taking my mind off Ethan...it seems he's never very far from my thoughts.

Thursday, January 31, 2002

"Change of Heart?"

Every time I hear Ethan say he can't forgive me-that we can't be together ever again-it's like another knife in my heart. You'd think I wouldn't want to torture myself by asking him over and over. But it's like I can't help it. When I see him, my heart completely takes over my head and I need to know if anything's changed. But nothing ever changes...he still doesn't think he can ever trust me again. And the worst part is-it's not like I really blame him. I know I keep saying that I can change but the truth is...why should he believe me? I lied to him so many times...and every time I lied, I said I'd never lie again. But I just can't help but hope that someday when I ask him if we could ever have a future together, he just might say yes.

Wednesday, January 30, 2002

"Ghost"

What a strange night. Could I have really seen Sheridan in the pool with Luis? Luis said he was with Sheridan-that he saw her and felt her. Why would we both have seen her if she wasn't really there? I mean, I know Hank came up with an explanation-and it sounded pretty reasonable-but part of me still believes I really saw Sheridan. But I can't say that to Luis again. After all, it may not have been real and I wouldn't want to give him false hope. He's going through enough right now without having to cling to the belief that he was with Sheridan again tonight. Still, I wonder...

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

"This Crazy World"

Poor Luis. I've been so caught up in my own problems that I haven't paid attention to how much he's still grieving for Sheridan. I've hardly ever seen him lose it the way he did in the library earlier-when he sent all those pictures crashing to the floor. He's so angry at the world for taking Sheridan away from him. And I could never blame him for that. The love he and Sheridan shared was so real, so pure, so good. It was the kind of love that should have lasted forever, but instead, it was ripped away from them. What kind of world is this where two people who deserve to share a wonderful, happy life together are denied that opportunity? With everything that's happened lately to Luis, Sheridan, Ethan, and me, it's like I don't know what to have faith in anymore.