"No Turning Back"

Well, that's it. I signed on the dotted line. I made my decision-the most important decision of my life. I know Whitney and the counselor said I can always change my mind...but they're wrong. I can't change my mind because there's no other alternative. Whitney is right about one thing, though. I don't want to do this. More than anything in the world, I wish I didn't have to. But I do...because no amount of wishing in the world is going to change the mess that I'm in.

Thursday, December 20, 2001

"My Final Answer"

I'm sitting here looking through the material the counselor gave me, but I know it won't make any difference. I hate to say it-I really do-but there is truly only one thing for me to do. I've thought about it so much-every which way there is to think about it and it all comes back to this. So, as soon as the counselor comes back to talk to me, I'm going to tell her I've made up my mind.

Wednesday, December 19, 2001

"Unanswered Questions"

Is Whitney right? If I do this-if I go through with the abortion-will I regret it for the rest of my life? Will it destroy me forever? How can I possibly answer these questions...when they are all so theoretical? The only question I can answer, without a doubt, is whether Ethan will leave me if he finds out I'm carrying Julian's baby. The answer to that is a resounding "yes." So knowing that...and knowing I can't be sure of anything else...it seems like there's only one decision I can possibly make. Right?

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

"A Knight in Shining Armor"

Ethan is the most wonderful man in the world. I can't believe he went to talk to Gavin, Lynn's boyfriend, to try to talk some sense into him about Lynn's pregnancy. I mean, how many guys out there would do that? This situation had nothing to do with Ethan-Ethan hardly even knows Lynn-yet he put himself on the line in order to help her. That's exactly the kind of man he is, though. That's the man I fell in love with. And that's the man I can't lose...no matter what.

Monday, December 17, 2001

"Mixed Emotions"

That was a really close call. When Ethan overheard me on the phone with the clinic, my mind went completely blank. I truly had no idea what I was going to say to him. It's lucky he thought I was making the appointment for Lynn...or I don't know what would have happened. I guess I don't know much of anything right now. It's so strange (okay, that's an understatement) to think about doing something I've never believed in-something that goes against the entire way I was raised. But then again, do you really ever know how you'd react to a situation unless you're in the situation? You can be so sure of your beliefs, so sure of your values...and then something comes along that turns your whole world upside down...