"Mommie Dearest"

I don't have much time to write. Thank God Mama didn't tell anyone the truth. She's in the kitchen now with Dr. Russell-maybe she'll calm down and realize telling the truth wouldn't do any good right now. I better put my diary away though. Mrs. Crane is eyeing me so suspiciously. It's like she knows I'm hiding something and she'll do whatever it takes to find out what it is...

Thursday, December 6, 2001

"Damage Control"

I swear, the look on Mama's face when she realized I was really pregnant with Julian's baby just about killed me. It hurt so much to see the disappointment in her eyes, to know I let her down in the worst way I could ever possibly let her down. How did everything get so out of control? I've not only wrecked my own life, but Mama's life too! And if Ethan and Luis find out the truth-I'll ruin their lives also! That settles it-I can't let Mama tell everyone the truth right now. I know she's upset and that she thinks telling the truth will be for the best...but there's no way it can be for the best. If the truth about my pregnancy comes out, it will be a total disaster!

Wednesday, December 5, 2001

"The Ties that Bind"

I know Dr. Russell is right-that I have to think of the baby first right now. But it's hard to do that when none of this even seems real. It's like the only thing my brain can process is what this means for Ethan and me. If there's one thing I'm sure of it's that I can't lose him. I would die without him-he's everything to me. So that means I absolutely cannot tell him that I'm pregnant with Julian's baby-he'd never forgive me. The problem is...what am I going to do? Dr. Russell was right again when she said I'm going to show soon. And once I do, I won't be able to keep this a secret. I'll come up with something so that I won't lose Ethan-I know I will. And until then, I'll just take this one day at a time.

Tuesday, December 4, 2001

"What Next?"

I know Dr. Russell is right-that I have to think of the baby first right now. But it's hard to do that when none of this even seems real. It's like the only thing my brain can process is what this means for Ethan and me. If there's one thing I'm sure of it's that I can't lose him. I would die without him-he's everything to me. So that means I absolutely cannot tell him that I'm pregnant with Julian's baby-he'd never forgive me. The problem is...what am I going to do? Dr. Russell was right again when she said I'm going to show soon. And once I do, I won't be able to keep this a secret. I'll come up with something so that I won't lose Ethan-I know I will. And until then, I'll just take this one day at a time.

Monday, December 3, 2001

"Where's Fate When You Need It?"

If I ever thought my life was a mess before, I was wrong. Nothing could ever top this-I'm in the biggest mess of my life. How can I be pregnant with Julian Crane's baby? My life wasn't supposed to go this way-it just wasn't. I was supposed to get married to Ethan, have a family with him, and live happily ever after. Fate was supposed to make sure it happened that way. Fate was supposed to help me out...so how could this be?