"Putting it in Perspective"

Dear God, this can't be happening! Sheridan gone...Luis badly hurt? I would think this was another dream...but I just saw Luis unconscious with my very own eyes. He can't die-I don't know what I would do without him. And I know Sheridan can't be dead-she can't be. When she came back to us last Christmas, it was such a miracle. She survived death once before...that means she can do it again. You know what? All of a sudden my problems seem really small in comparison to what's happened with Sheridan and Luis. I'm alive and so is Ethan. What else really matters?

Thursday, August 23, 2001

"Women Who Marry Their Fiancés' Fathers"

Oh God...I don't feel well all of a sudden. Then again, why should I feel well? My life is a total mess...and on top of that I probably drank enough champagne last night for the whole town of Harmony! Here's the thing...I know I have to tell Ethan the truth like Whitney said but I just don't know how. How do you say the words, "I can't marry you because I married the man who you always thought was your father. And by the way, I also slept with him." I can't just come out and say it like that-it makes the whole situation sound like an episode of "The Larry Winger Show." Then again, this is like an episode of "The Larry Winger Show." Oh...I'm getting dizzy just thinking about all of this. I have to lie down.

Wednesday, August 22, 2001

"About Last Night"

Well, Whitney should be happy because for once I'm listening to her advice. I was so sure I shouldn't tell Ethan the truth...but after talking to Whitney I know I have to. What she said actually makes sense-maybe Ethan will forgive me for what happened last night, but he definitely wouldn't forgive me for keeping another secret. The last secret I kept from him nearly ruined our relationship for good...and I can't let that happen again, no matter what! I know this isn't going to be easy-in fact, it's probably going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But the fact is, this is the right thing to do. Now, if I could only figure out how the heck I'm going to drop this bombshell...

Tuesday, August 21, 2001

"Here Comes the Bride...Again?"

Okay, I have no choice but to marry Ethan. I can't believe I even just wrote that sentence-never in a million years did I think I'd actually be forced to marry Ethan. Why does my life just keeping getting stranger and stranger-it's like some reality show gone crazy! Anyway, I'm just going to do what Julian told me to (again, I never thought I'd say those words)! I'm going to go down to the chapel and marry Ethan. Then, Julian will arrange for an annulment and I can marry Ethan for real down in Harmony. You know what's the weirdest part about all of this? I used to dream about my wedding day! But right now, if I never see a wedding again I'll be happy...especially my own!

Monday, August 20, 2001

"Our Lips are Sealed"

I swear, I think my stomach dropped about five feet when that Bruce guy referred to me as Julian's "new bride." Of course, it's true (Oh God!) but Ethan can never, ever know that! If I had any doubts before about keeping the truth from Ethan, they are gone now. Seeing the look on his face for that split second of confusion was just plain torture. He looked like he'd been punched in the stomach...like his whole world had fallen apart. That definitely settles it...he can never find out that I'm Mrs. Julian Crane! And for that matter, neither can anyone else. Talk about embarrassing!